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Pokemon: Aequivalere

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Aequivalere - A Pokémon Fanfiction

Life- Green reflects- is almost like a still pool of water. The surface appears smooth and the structure firm, until something (like a rock) is dropped in it- thus creating ripples that disrupt every single one of its corners. The initial shocks are harsh- unyielding- but even if it takes seemingly forever, the waters would eventually calm and go back to the stillness of its previous state.

Though he had never been the philosophical type- or God forbid, a poet- Green felt like for once he made an accurate analogy of the two.

~OoxoO~

The happier times were what he wished could last forever.

He was sitting near a pond near Pallet Town on a warm spring day, with Red and Leaf at his sides. They were for once, not who they really were (two ex-Champions, and a girl who never really made it as far) but only what they should have been before Fate drew them apart in the crossroads to different, separated futures.

We used to play here as kids. Green recalls. After long days of school, he would drag the black haired boy to their hiding place and pretend that they were rulers of their own small worlds with no one else but themselves. Green would help Red with his math and Red would help him with his spelling until after awhile they'd get sick of doing homework and instead ran around or flew on imaginary Pokémon. Red talked more back then, always full of naïve questions that his (only) friend answered with airs that almost resembled pride. That was kind of their relationship back then: Green the leader, Red the follower. Neither questioned the status quo, for what was it but the natural order of things?

Then sometime after his seventh birthday, Leaf moved into the neighbourhood.

She was everything that collided directly with Green's own vibrant personality when they first met, and found Red to be utterly "adorable" -which he kind of was back then. She never listened to him when he told her to hand over her toys ("Because you're a girl and girls are supposed to listen to guys.") and wasn't afraid to get her clothes dirty while playing outdoors while the other girls contented themselves with dolls. She wasn't stupid either. Soon Green had competition for the best marks in class, and would challenge her to see who could add and subtract in their head faster, the Pokémon types and their weaknesses, the names of the Gym Leaders and the present and past Champions. Red would be reading quietly in the corner when these debates happened- but Leaf, with her dynamics and contrasts had inevitably a place in their small circle.

They proclaimed their unofficial triumvirate near the hideout that before, only Red and Green knew about. Years later, he would still sometimes look back on the memory with affection- and maybe- maybe just a bit of regret at what could have been.

~OoxoO~

There were angry times too, and those Green tries to forget- if not the memories, at least the resentment that they created.

He was still much too young to understand what was going on when he was three, and his parents were already laying grounds for a divorce. Along with the package came the cacophony of constant screaming and shouting and crying in words that Green never had a chance to hear because Daisy would cover his ears when an argument escalated too far. He always wondered why his big sister's eyes were always so puffy and bloodshot- and why his grandfather's face always shadowed over when he saw him.

(Later he would find out that it was because of his eyes- green like the ones of his mother, who was also Oak's daughter-in-law…)

They died in a car accident some months before he turned five. Red and his mother were there at the funeral too, and the boy stood silent through the service while Green- who did not yet understand the concept of death- wondered if his parents would ever be back. He tried to ask his question to Daisy, who embarrassed, told him to be quiet and took him back home where he spent the day wondering what was going on and where everyone went. When Oak returned, it was not a smile that he gave in reply to the little boy on the couch but rather an ice cold stare.

Green never liked his grandfather in the following years that came. The professor was not a family relative to him- but almost like a distant, unknown stranger. He always favoured Red over his grandson- always and always Red. Perhaps that was what sowed the first seeds of jealousy in his heart, constantly being his best friend's shadow- his best friend who he regarded as hardly his equal, let alone his superior.

It was because of his resemblance to his dead parents why Oak disliked and shunned him and then decided to finally humiliate him after the loss of his Championship to Red. That disturbance was not a mere pebble in the pool. It was a boulder.

~OoxoO~

He knew love too. Despite all the sappy novels that Leaf seemed to be so into, the concept of the emotion was absolutely different from what people naturally defined it as. Love was not a shaft of sunlight that cut through the dark. It was more like the sky that awaited after the thunderstorm had ceased.

Green was not a romantic. He hated the concept of dates and took what he wanted when he was in a mood for a fuck. The example that his parents set was the prime thing that made him turn away from even the concept of a long term relationship. What if it would turn out the same way their relationship ended up? He was not a masochist. He had no desire to make attachments that easily.

Ironically enough, Red was the first person who Green harboured any desire for beyond those of the flesh. It was just so strange after all, because he grew up hating the other and envying his life…but yet…

His feelings were realized while Red was still holed up in that frozen hell called Mount Silver, and he had to drag up a bag of supplies up every week- mainly out of anxiety and a fear that his (ex) best friend would die if he didn't. Red always lacked basic common sense and everyone knew that if they knew him. Besides, how would Leaf react? Or Delia if she heard her son froze to death because Green had ditched his post?

And somewhere on the list too, Green knew that he would have cared if his rival vanished again off of the face of their known world. Maybe it was the guilt at all the crap he made Red live through as kids that kept him at going up in the first place.

As it happened- there was one time after awhile when Red fell asleep near the campfire in the cave where he kept his provisions, and Green found him there curled up with Pikachu- his face still somewhat numb from the cold frost laced air. Red was always more amiable when he wasn't awake, he had absently thought after sitting next to the flames himself and not tearing his eyes from the still figure of his old adversary. The regular hollowness of the Champion's stare, the weariness of his common stance- tired, tired, sick of the world… they were gone, as if from another world. For once Green saw how small Red's hands were and the delicacy his face retained although now slightly rugged from the harsh environment he lived in… the sooty lashes that draped over pale, pale skin… the small smile that he wore on the edges of his lips that Green wish he saw more often…

Red, a light sleeper, stirred then and lazily opened his eyes. Still glazed over with the after effects of sleep, they made Green catch his breath and wonder for once what really lay past the cold antipathy of his exterior that took form in those beautiful and yet so distant pair of crimson orbs…

And then there was this strange feeling in his stomach- a fluttering feeling, one that he had never felt yet until now. Not with Leaf nor his family (Daisy), nor his other friends and his fellow Gym Leaders and the girls (also the occasional guy) that he bedded that he had forgotten the faces of… and in that case, then what was it?

Love specifically took away more than it ever gave back. If Green really did have feelings for his childhood friend and wanted to keep him around, then the feelings would remain an obscurity until he had the gall to spill it or just forget everything and abandon the affair altogether. And knowing Red and the past he…

~OoxoO~

The largest disturbance to rake the waters was not anger but rather sorrow: a mountain, a landfall, a something that far exceeded the capacity of a single boulder. Sorrow was the bitterest medicine that he had tasted- because it would brew up the regret, and regret the "what if"'s and the "what if"'s despair. Sorrows were caused by disappointments… and disappointments still stung even after so long when he was certain he was over a matter.

So maybe he wasn't. Talk of his lost Championship still made him sore- because it was so ridiculous it even sounded dumb to think about. Champion for fifteen minutes. Huh. Fifteen minutes of a small bittersweet taste of what he would have gotten if he were only a little better- a little more stronger-

But each person had a limit, and Green was fatalistic enough to believe so. He climbed to the peak, saw so many under him, and raised his eyes to see that Red's mountain would be eternally higher then his own would ever be. It was a frustrating thought, but it made the pain of acceptance more bearable at least. Fifteen minutes and his entire life was over with only "what if"'s to replace it.

As long as Red was there, there could only be "what if"'s for him to claim. Maybe Oak had been right. Red was better than he was…no, not a maybe. A certainty.

Leaf had been the only one with enough nerve to break down the door of his room after two weeks of hi locking himself in. She looked at the trashed up space, and saw Green in a pile of dirty sheets, his eyes empty of the world around.

"I lost." he said, almost in a chocked whisper, "I lost… I always lost… I was so sure that-"

Leaf shushes him as she hugs him in comfort, threading her fingers through auburn locks when he started crying again after he had tried so hard to stop.

"I know…" she replied softly, " But it's okay now. Everything will be okay…"

~OoxoO~

There was always hope too. Hope- the sole taste of comfort after a storm. Hope, which was the only force capable of restoring the pool its still waters. Hope that came in the form of Red's smiles and Leaf's laughter… hope that came with Eevee's loyalty and Daisy's arms no matter how many times he tried to tell her he was too old for hugs.

Because the world still gave second chances, and because the past could always be let go of for the promise of a better future.

After so long despite whatever may happen, Green had never let himself completely forget that there was always hope in the end.
Some random thing I wrote yesterday on Green because Pokemon is what I turn to when my muse for the other fandoms has faded slightly. I have this really horrible fever and I feel like crap after fifteen hours of sleep. Anyway, it would be awesome if you could spare the time to give a comment...

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ZeldaStrife's avatar
I liked this a lot. I am not one for yaoi, but this was fine; I mean, it's nt like it was BAM, in my face. Also, I love your writing style. Utilitarian, descriptive with imagery, but not an overload of useless information. I loved hearing your perspective on Green's back story--more or less, I take that path, too. I personally ship him with Leaf, but that's me--this was your story and you told it wonderfully. :)

:+fav: